2016 and I'm back

Hello 2016,
I'm back to write as alot of things have been on my mind lately.
Well, school and everything wasnt going well these days.
Just practically lost myself. I just feel that school aint a decent place to encourage me to learn, just lost the motivation to improve...
Its not like I dont want to, its like there is no direction, no system to follow, making me very lost
& I am just trying my best to do things but its doesnt seem to get any results but just mere remarks not encouragement.
So many things on my mind like where did things go wrong, but there aint no answer to any of those. My mind filled with WHYs, but no logical explanation for any of those...
Just a trial an error, like picking numbers and waiting for the lottery to strike.
Use to have that shield that shinning armor, that undying confidence, guts but I just dont seem to find myself these days.
I feel like a wounded puppy, scared, afraid, lost.
But I know this feeling will go,
I will feel better one day.
Just that it takes time... time to heal this wound and build a better armor.
Sorry for the emo post again, but well, just need to get things off my mind.

This song just sums up how I feel.

Bracing myself

Sup, its been a while.
Back to post a lil.
So today marks the end of my 3 week mini break from school.
Yup 3 weeks is always not enough...why?
cause the
1st week - (rush project which was due that week) GONE
2nd week - Expectation: Lay and slack at home, catch some shows, do some personal work.
                   Reality: Out all day~
(ok, at least second week was a lil short break, manage to accomplished some stuff and go out to have fun at the same time)
3rd week - Rest for a little, got a job opportunity, went to work and finally catch up with a few friends over the long weekend xD
Overall, this holiday was sorta well spent actually!
Gotta meet my friends, catch some movie, etc..
and I bought toys again!! WHAHAHAHAHA~
not 1, 2 but 3 bandai gundam inspired toys!! hehe~
will post it once I build them up when I find time to... xD
Just worried when school starts, I have to juggle school work and my working life.
I know things will be fine in the end, but why am I feeling so worried all the time?!
this suppressing feeling in my heart again...need to be tamed...
just this worry...need to go away...
ARG... worrying and panicking, aint doing my health or my mind justice
So I decided to seek help...GOOGLE first~

Check out this site for more info about dealing with worries:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm
Keepin this post short as I need to get to work 2mr.
Will update on my week and toys soon~
JA~

Check this out~

2015

Sup, with the first post of 2015.
2015, started off with a roller coaster ride.
The part of the ride where u are climbing up to the peak, with the thought of falling over after.
Yup it aint an easy ride.
Been feelin down and up lately, just like how this roller coaster has been taking me.
I tend to keep my feelings suppressed too much that it sometimes feels suffocating.
I realise I tend to worry too much, be it my schoolwork, my personal work or even my own life.
I guess as I grew older I start to want to express these feelings more.
The bottle that been bottled up for a few years, might be a little overflowing.
How do you even put these feelings into words?
I can't.
I shouldn't.
I won't.
I guess sometime a simple, "It's ok, things will be alright." would ease the pain a little.
Of course, the tightness in my chest will still remain until I overcome this epic roller coaster ride.
Sometime you just need someone to remind you to not worry too much as things would fall into place eventually.
Well, I just wish 2015 would be a better year for me to grow a little more and achieve more things.
Blogging helps me express how I feel and make me feel a little better.
So I hope I would blog more often xD haha
Anyways, keeping this post short.
Till then, JA~
Annyeong~

Music on the roll
I'm just different~

What's the purpose?

Back to post though its 1am right now,
this feeling of frustration and anger keeps coming back,
yet I cant express it, verbally or physically.
Like a shaken carbonated drink, with its cap tight shut.
damn...
all these crap stuck in ma chest,
no where to give it a rest.
This utterly disgusted feeling,
causing this irregular breathing,
would get me no where.
Lost.
Despair.
Unmotivated.
Wouldn't know what could come next,
what I would want to see next.
This vicious cycle,
aint gonna end.
So what is the purpose then?
Throw a young chap into the sea,
hire a coach to teach him how to swim.
The coach go "yes, just keep swimming" as he observe the young chap drown within.
So what is my purpose then?

*sry mind the emo post, I aint have anywhere to share my thoughts.
because, yea fuck it, where else can I express my inner emotions?

Probably my last orientation ever

Waddup ppl, back to blog yo

Well this week was orientation week.

and I'm tired already ;(

As much as I love meeting new people, I get tired real quick. haha

Some people warm out from the start but I'm the opposite, I worn out after. lol

Orientation, well like any other orientation, the purpose to meet people and play some games, walk around the school, etc. However, these people you meet at orientation might not be the people you would stick to the rest of your school term. Who knows what the future will be like?

My orientation group was pretty interesting, comprises of people from various backgrounds and various age. Cool peeps~
I would say among all the other groups, my group is pretty united.
Our seniors were pretty helpful in clearing our doubts and getting us settled in the whole new environment. Definitely a thumbs up for the effort there seniors!!
Oh yea, did I tell you my school is located at the other end of the island? hahaha
so travelling in the mrt for abt an hour is pretty new to me.
The scent of the cabin, suitcases, shirts and what nots.
I find it interesting too getting a whole lot of time to myself thinking and observing the working class going to and off work.
And of course, without my Mp4, the journey will be much more torturous.
School officially start 2mr, I'm pretty nervous and worried, though with a pinch of excitement, I wonder what is up for me.
Heard a few experiences from my seniors that it is much much different from polytechnic.
Well all I can say is  Keep Calm. Stay Cool. Move on. ~
We were advised to HAVE FUN. I definitely agree to that, that is one reason why I chose to go university than to work, didn't I? ;) I shall not overstress myself and keep my hair black. keke
Honestly, I cant wait to meet the rest of my coursemates.
Will update soon.
Adios! Ja! Annyeong~

Ps. Meet my swag team of school rebels. haha didnt drew this intentionally for school but yea... for fun :) We have, Bruce, Foxy, Bugs and Hedgy!

Follow me on @justqwirks for more illustrations and drawings.

Music Section

STGCC 2014

Back to blog~
Well, today is suppose to be Mid Autumn festival, i guess? cause I heard lion dance downstairs and kids carrying their lil lanterns around with their parents.
I haven't been celebrating such festival for years now so oh well, its not somewhat special to me.
The only fun part is where you get to play with fire. :P
yea an excuse to play with fire hehe. just being careful not to burn things down...
Anyway, went to check out the STGCC (toy convention) yesterday.
damn, the moment I step in, i became broke.
why? cause the entrance fee was hella expensive >.<
but oh well, its once in a few years that I would go to an STGCC.
Thought it would be quite packed but since we went at 6, it wasn't that crowded xP
saw alot of star troopers around and even spotted darth vader.
but was too timid to take a photo with them.
There were hell lot of figurines around. ahhh~~ couldn't buy them so I too alots of photos.
Check them out below!

Doodles by the various artist on site

Mega Optimus Prime :D

Chibi style~ Mini Optimus Prime

AVENGERS~!! HOT TOYS!

IRONMAN HOT TOYS!

Series of Ironman...damn Tony Spark always in the spotlight

You know who this is, no need for mentions...BUT LOL that photobomb there.

Hawkeye~

XMEN SERIES~

Wolverine~ Just heard marvels might really kill this character (in its comics) ;(

This kinda remind me of myself...kekekek

Kawaii~

Some artsketches that totally get my hands itchin'

Oh speaking about conventions...
went down to the IT fair with my dad a week ago to check out whats good.
The funny thing was, me being me, like a lil girl, all the promoters kinda like 'ignored' my presence.
and all swarm to my dad (walking behind me) with brochures, catalogs and what not.
so I was kinda walking down the aisle like a king. kekeke
and the funny thing was, there was this guy giving out lollipops (somewhat a way to promote their electronic brand).
As I was walking as usual and randomly came eye contact with this lollipop guy...
and I obviously, continued to walk on...
he seemed to want to offer me a lollipop... but...
"hello sir, would you want a lollipop?" to my dad behind. DAMN LOL~

Thats all the interesting stuff for the week. school is starting in 2 weeks and orientation in a week time. Will probably be back to update my nonsense when there a interesting stuff to share.
So thats all for this blog, yo.
Ja~ Annyeong ^^

Ps. why does it smell like someone is cookin wanton noodles....#dognose

MUSIC SECTION

The Society I live in

Was bored so decided to find bloggie to talk :D yehe~
Previously on my previous blog post, I mention how the society is, having high expectation of you.
One example is having expectation of you being independent just because you are 'old' enough after guiding you for the past few years and throwing you to the sea of sharks.
I guess thats how the world works. 'survival of the fittest' eh?
Another point is that you think you are 'free' once you are 'old' enough, but no,
the society has their own rules in this game.
& you gotta follow the 'rules' in order to survive, only a few know how to play out of the norm and still survive. I envy those people.
Of course, there is a big risk to take. Well, life is about give and take. :/
So below is how the society work in singapore...well in my perspective actually.

Playgroup - PLAYGROUND! TOYS! POKEMON CARDS!

Kindergarden(suddenly you have to go to school everyday short hours) - Where the hell is this place? Why do I need to go to sch? Whats sch? Who are these 'teachers'? Ah, pals of the same age! PLAYTIME! COLOURING! longing to get home from school to sneak some television on~

Primary School - Why do I have to wake up every morning at 6/7am? What is spelling? Why must I score good marks? Good marks is good, parents happy. okay, must score good marks.

[this period of time I struggled to go to school, yes only until pri 3 i started to adapt a little. but often wake up in tears, crying, not knowing what is going on to my life]
Secondary School - Already adapt to the schooling system, starts to go to school like an obedient robot. Just knowing about scoring well in exams and study just to sit the O' levels to go somewhere else 'better' after.
Polytechnic - Was a better version of schooling. You get to do things at your own pace though they have really tight deadlines but still enjoyable.
After polytechnic - . . . . . ? What now? Uni?
University-...actually have you ever thought what is the purpose of going to university? For the degree? For show? For what? How many singaporeans out there actually know the main purpose of going a university? I bet you ask any singaporean out on the streets majority will tell you:
"To get a better job" so now define 'better' job? You will still have to start small somewhere.
How many would tell you it is to 'enrich themselves'?
For me, why I chose uni, it was to 'buy myself sometime to think about my future'. Thus I chose a 2 year course, just to think. Why I didnt chose work instead? Cause, most of the working industry here is very dead. Like a endless routine that makes me sick. At least schooling allow me some free time to do what I enjoy.
Then after university, thats it.
You are out to sea.
Working - go to work 8/9am - 6/7pm, go home slack and the damn cycle repeats. & worst of all, not all colleagues can be considered as 'friends'. The rest of your life is all about work, money, work... dead, motion-less...
Maybe I do not find the motivation to work yet or the type of workplace I would enjoy yet...but how i view work life now, it aint all flowery and nice.

Ever thought if you were given a choice, to choose between-
1. You have alot of money but you wont be happy.
2. You do not have alot of money but you are happy.
If money and happiness were a choice, which will you choose?
Tough question eh? even I cannot give you a definite answer yet :/
I am still hesitating about it ... sighs.

The society i live in, values money more than being happy. Thus, the value of being a business man, a doctor, a lawyer is higher than an architect, a designer, a journalist, a constructor etc. "No money, where will be happy" one might say. Imagine the doctor who is operating for you, chose his job because someone told him to and because of the high pay. What will you think of this doctor?

I'll probably elaborate on this some other time...

So at the moment, I am lost, at the stage of studying vs work. What I wanna do with my life requires alot of effort and courage to pursue. Thus, I'm still thinking and taking it slow. Life after all isn't a bed of roses. :/

Opps think my blogging just got serious =x.
So thats all for this post...
more thoughts to come.
JA~ Annyeong! ^^

MUSIC SECTION!